People say that time heals everything.
No matter how deep, how dark, or how hurtful your pain may lie.
It has been 5 long dreadful years, and I'm still waiting.
I'm still waiting for this remedy that is suppose to come from time, to take away that day that follows me everyday.
When my brother had taken those violent strikes that summer, that was the day he robbed my mind from all of its innocents.
I had grown up hidden and sheltered from any evil known to the world.
All I knew that family was everything.
Everything I had.
Everything I needed.
Family is a bond bounded by blood that couldn't be broken.
That is what I believed.
Until that day 5 years ago.

This year was a good year for me I had finally taken that first step in being able to talk to him, granted that conversations were cold sometimes even unanswered.
They were also bitter, and it disgusted me having to answer to anything that he had to say.
But for me, that was a step.
Until today he had brought back every second of every word, and every punch, and every kick, and every piece of broken memory I've tried so hard to suppress. 
"I've paid for what I've done, but if you don't watch what you say to me that accident you had a few years ago will happen again."
Accident referring to the time I've got struck by a car while walking to my car.
He asks me how can I talk to my brother the way I do.
Well has he ever once asked himself, how could he, being a man in his mid 20's beat up his 15 year old sister and threaten to take her life if she were to speak a word of it, ever call himself my brother.
"Hell is a place for bitter hearts"
If hell will take a bitter heart that cannot overcome its bitter broken memories, then to hell I shall go.
These 5 years I've worked up to forgiving had been shattered by only a few words that has escaped his lips. 
Its like I had been walking on thin glass ever since then hoping to avoid every crack or crevise that I may come upon, and there was one I couldn't miss.
The glass had shattered, and I'm falling back to where I began.
I'm back to every painful memory, every hurtful beat in my chest.
It has all come raining back on me.
Raining back in tears that cannot stop until I'm submerged.
Submerged with every broken beat of this wretched heart.
Until the air it thrives is robbed away, and silent pursues it.
Its left there, with nothing.
Feeling nothing.
Knowing nothing.
I would rather feel nothing, then to revive the pain that I tried washing away. 

So I bought my own insurance today. It was all so new to me, I felt kind of pathetic that I am just now buying my own car insurance. I've been on my parent's plan for so long and it was so cheap I never had to pay for it.... haha.

So when I started looking for online quotes they were asking questions I couldn't find answers to and my sister was getting a little frustrated with me for asking her so much.

I feel like a sheltered little teenager.

Progressive is the way to go! ;)

WHICH REMINDS ME.

I'm not going to be a teen anymore... :,-(

I'm turning 20 on February 17.

I'M GETTING SO OLD. I can already see the bags forming under my eyes...

My nieces and nephews are growing up so fast....I'm going to wake up tomorrow and it will be 10 years from now.

I'm going to reminisce about the past...

Remembering when I was just a mindless kid with no worrys....

I was completely ignorant about the world, and life oh to go back to those days....

haha, well you are now eligible to say you've seen my tits once. BWUAHAHAHAH <3

Did I show you guys my ugly Christmas sweater Becca and I made?

I got the idea from this girl off of youtube. It was fun :)

Video is here:

My froggie socks and Hello kitty booties I was excited about props to my sister :D

The kids first Christmas tree:

Meanwhile-

I'm watching my nephew Jake and hes so cute :3

I want a half final fantasy baby nao :)

Have a good day :)